Rough time of things

I turn 50 this year. I am a healthy, vibrant woman with a successful career. I have a wonderful husband, great kids, good friends, and a great church family. I have never had a problem going into that next decade, and actually looked forward to my 20's, 30's and 40's. For some reason, turning 50 is making me face my mortality. I look at myself in the mirror, and I am not liking what I see. Its not so much the fact that I am carrying around extra weight... I have done that my entire life... but now I am seeing more wrinkles, sagging around my eyes, and I just look...well... old. I look in the mirror and more than ever... I see my mom staring back. I have always been told I look like my mom, but truthfully.. I never really saw it until now. My mother was a wonderful person, and if my life in any way shape or form resembles her, then that is a blessing... I'm just not ready to be old or to look old. My clothes even look old. I have to dress up for my job... and I HATE going clothes shopping. I will go with credit card in hand, ready and able to spend whatever it takes... and I can't find anything I like. I either look like a frumpy old woman, or look like I am dressing to go out for a night on the town... not a day in the office. I guess I need to do a couple of things. One... stop feeling sorry myself. I am what I am... I can't turn back the clock. Two... piss or get off the pot. I have been trying to lose weight my entire life. For every two pounds I lose, I gain one back... I exercise like crazy for a few weeks, then miss going for a week. I need to be consistent in my weight loss, my exercise, and my attitude. Lastly... I need to hire a personal shopper... someone who will help me pick out clothes that actually fit me, look good on me, and be brutally honest as to how they really look on me... not how I "wish" they looked on me. Gordie suggested I ask the sales ladies in the store... but like I told him... they are out to make sales... they will tell me whatever I want to hear. Two of my staff are professional shoppers. Those girls eat, breathe and drink going shopping... they love it. When I tell them I will spend hours walking aimlessly from store to store, and never purchase anything... they can't believe it. They would never dream of leaving a store without making a purchase. Of course... when you are a size 6.... shopping is much easier. So this afternoon, Gordie and I are going to spend our last afternoon in California, driving through the mountains and down the coast admiring the beautiful landscape of Southern California, and stopping at a few outlet malls along the way. I'm not real hopeful I will find anything, but I am going to look. Who knows... maybe I will get lucky!